A Simple Truth
by FeistyDreams
Summary: After being taken away from Kaname, Sousuke falls into despair, lost in conflict as to what to do. Kalinin speaks to him, encouraging him to find the choice that's right for him. Kalinin's POV, during TSR episode 10 Futatsu no Hong Kong


**Disclaimer:** _Full Metal Panic_ belongs to Shouji Gatoh, Shikidouji, Kadokawa, KyoAni, Gonzo, FUNimation, Fujimishobo, Retsu Tateo, Hiroshi Ueda, and I dunno WHO/WHAT else, but it's not me. There's no profit made from this fic.

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**A Simple Truth**

After the mission briefing, I stepped out of the room after the four participants left, my gaze following his back as he stiffly trailed behind the group. I held back a sigh, turned back into the room to bid farewell to Clouseux, then I followed after the bunch. I wanted to pull Sousuke aside and speak with him. What had been done…

I hated it, perhaps almost as much as he did. I had suggested him for the job of guarding Kaname Chidori in the first place, because I held hopes it would do him good. And it _was._ Then they decided to pull him out of there, and we were all just supposed to lie down and take it? For the first time since he was just a child I had found a light to his eyes again. He was finally living a normal boy's life, even if it wasn't for normal reasons. He was finally fighting because he _wanted_ to. This mission to guard Chidori wasn't something he did because he knew naught else but following instructions. It had nothing to do with obligations and the thought that the end held only death. After that first major event, the hi-jacking in North Korea, it stopped being solely a mission to him, whether he knew it or not.

No. He fought for her because it was what he wanted. Needed, even, if his behavior now was any indication. She made him _feel_, something I had been unable to accomplish these past seven years. And now he had been stripped away from her, the girl that had warmed his heart. The girl that _was_ his heart. I knew all too well this feeling of loss and betrayal. I had betrayed my own country at my wife's death, blaming them for the event. If anything happened to her after he had been pulled out, there was no doubt in my mind that he would so the same. The fools in top brass didn't see that though, they didn't see him or her as people. They saw one necessary tool to make their sole lambda driver work, and they saw a waste of resources. What I saw…

What I saw was the boy who was like a son to me being shredded by the icy shards of despair and falling deep into the rift of loneliness that had been carved into his heart by a cold and emotionless e-mail. I saw the girl that had brought life to that boy's life as a miracle and an absolutely precious person to whom nothing bad could happen to. The way she made him feel, I'm not sure that _I_ could bear it if that was taken from him. Hadn't that boy been through enough already?

I caught up to him, found him sitting alone in his bunk with a rucksack at his feet, his fingers twisting his bangs in an odd manner I found curious. Knocking on the threshold, all I got was a mildly annoyed nod as my signal to enter, and I truly could not blame him. Stepping in, I closed the door behind me and took a seat opposite him, the two of us saying nothing for several long moments until I broke the silence.

"How are you holding up?" I was never particularly graceful with words. His snort in reply was answer enough though, and I nodded in understanding, shifting a bit before leaning back. Staring up at the cold dark ceiling, I closed my eyes and sighed. "I know how you must be feeling…"

"Do you?"

"I was ordered away from my pregnant wife," I reminded him, trying not to wince at his lifeless voice. I was talking to 'Kashim' again. "That was a very difficult time for me."

"Not too hard if you never went back."

That time I did wince, flinch even. I'd never told him of Elina's death, so I shouldn't have been surprised. It did hurt though, that this was what he had thought of me all these years. No wonder he refused me when I'd asked him to allow me to adopt him. He must have figured I'd abandon him too, somewhere down the line…

"Do you remember how I turned on my nation and helped you to escape?" The question was met with silence. "I abandoned my country because I felt it had abandoned me. Sousuke," I used his first name as I had back then, "my wife and child had died that day. You were the only family I had left."

He stared at me for several long moments. Many things were running through his head, and I was disappointed that only the negative seemed to be strong enough to be spoken. "If anything happens to her, because I'm not there to protect her… I'll turn on all of you, too."

I sighed and nodded again, understanding. "I could not blame you."

"I need to finish packing."

He was obviously quite done with this conversation. I, however, was not. "Of course. Sousuke, I didn't come here just to tell you this. I came to ask you just one favor." If looks could kill, I'd surely be six feet under by now. Luckily, I was made of stronger stuff, had suffered worse glares, and I continued on as though nothing had happened. "All I ask of you is that you don't make the same mistake I did. There's more to life than orders, and you'll miss out if that's all you do. Not a day goes by that I wonder if my wife and child might still be alive if I'd been home where I belonged instead. I pray you're never left with such 'what-ifs'."

I left him to his thoughts, feeling drained and weary. I had no idea if what I said would help him or hurt, but I just hoped that he would muddle through his storm of emotions and come to the decision that was right for him. I knew he would go into this mission before reaching his decision, but I honestly could not say whether or not he would see it through. Mithril would likely be upset if they knew I encouraged him to leave. He needed to hear that it was okay to though. He went through most his whole life letting other people make his decisions. Now, he was presented with a choice.

Live his life as he always had, following orders and never taking anything for himself. He would be miserable, but he would always know where he stood.

Or, he could live his life as he desired. He could be with the person that he cared for, but the downside would be that if Mithril stopped supporting him, there were a lot of people that wanted him dead that would be able to find him.

And her.

Taking a seat in my room, I stared at a picture of Elina standing before our house in Leningrad. As I stared, I smiled sadly, thinking to myself that I hoped Sagara would realize one simple truth that had come to me too late.

Of all the things that one could choose to fight for, first and foremost should come one's love and happiness, because without them life is hardly worth living.

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**A/N:** I'd had this fic sitting for a long time, and had meant to continue it for awhile. When re-reading it recently, I decided that it actually ended quite nicely there, and could not remember just how I had ever intended to make this longer. It's an idea that came to me during one of my MANY re-watches of TSR, and I'd decided to write it out. Kalinin is probably my favorite supporting character, ever, throughout any fandom. He seems so simple and so human, but yet he's not flat. He's a great character, and I love delving into his psyche from time to time.


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